Posted in death, Depression, disease, evil day job, family, frustration, health, job loss, life, loss, marriage, married life, medical, Personal, question, relationship, unemployed

Which decade of your life was the worst?

So last night I was reminded of just how bad things were in my life a decade ago when I was in my mid 30s. It was a very rough time and I would never go back. It got me to thinking if I had the chance would I repeat them? The answer is a resounding no.

How about you? Which was your worst decade and why and would you ever repeat it?A lot of us have crazy childhoods and there can be a very stressful firstdecade or two. However adulthood has its own adventures and can lead to some of the worst years of our lives.

Personally for me my 30s were the worst ever. I was in a crazy marriage which had constant struggles between medical, financial, family, death, job issues,

ask blackboard chalk board chalkboard
Photo by Pixabay on

and mental anguish. I wouldn’t ever choose to relive them.

On the flipside, my 40s have been far and above what my 30s were. They’ve had their ups and downs but so far so good.

How about you? Which was your worst decade and why and would you ever repeat it?


Posted in art, family, Flowers, holiday, mom, painting, Personal

Shhh…don’t tell my mom…

But this painting was done for her (and Dad too) but she loves tulips, pink, and flora in general. This was done after three weeks and I can’t wait to see her face!


This is a pbn! My affiliate (my paint by numbers) sells these…this one is quite simply ‘pink tulips’. Isn’t it lovely?

Just had to share. 🙂



Posted in Anxiety, knitting, medical, Personal, sl danielson, unemployed, writing, yarn

Friday Ramblings





Life is in a bit of a holding pattern for me at the moment; my latest book, Cid, is with a final-check beta reader (who is fabulous) so I can’t wait to get it back and create the pre-orders items (plus the paperback setup).

Also, I go to see a medical person today about my high anxiety. Unless you live with it, or have experienced it, it’s not something you can easily explain. Each sufferer is different. Mine seems to be isolated to driving these days; I went out last night (with hubby as co-pilot) and still, had that tight feeling in my gut.

Otherwise, I have one new book in the works, but after that I am considering using Patreon exclusively to showcase my work. The world of book piracy has me fuming (I found a site where one of mine had over 1,000 copies out there for FREE) can you imagine the royalties lost??? I can, and on that book alone, at $3 a copy, that’s a $2,000 loss to me. Money I deserve for creating that book. The blood, sweat and tears involved.

Oy. OK I’ll go all crazytown if I stay on this topic. So let’s move on.

I will say, this is the first day in a couple of months where I actually feel like working. I made some muffins earlier (of the six, two remain), plus hopefully the muse has not left me for good and I will write again. I feel that’s coming sooner than I think. (thank goodness). I did knit some, and have painted too. Job hunting is in there as well, but after this length of time I wonder if anything will ever break this record.

I know this is a long, rambling post for me…so if you’ve made it this far, thank you!

Today is a nice day out, we had rain yesterday, so the plants look happier. My mood is improving and I hope new meds will boost it even more. My husband and cat are my loves and I spent as much time with them as possible. They are my support system in this strange town since I know few others, and my online family. You rock!

Thank you for reading!




Posted in cats, life, Personal, Uncategorized


mothers day

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day here in the states. I personally am getting together with my family to celebrate. I am blessed to still have my mother around, but more so blessed that we don’t completely drive each other nuts like we used to. (most of the time).

As for me, I’m not a mother (of a human child)…my child is my cat. I love that the greeting card industry makes cards for moms like me of our precious fur babies. My little boy drives me bananas sometimes, (like right now he is yowling while I’m trying to type this post), but he is truly my love.

One thing I wish the commercials would get is that not everyone IS a mother, that we have older moms that they need recognition too. Maybe add more for us mom of furbabies?

Take care tomorrow and if you’re blessed enough to have a mom (doesn’t have to be biological) enjoy!

Cheers, Steph



Posted in Personal

Slowed to a Crawl…

Hmm, let’s see. The calendar says Spring. The weather say..not yet. Oh wait, for a few days, but then I’ll change my mind. Mommy Nature seems like she’s going through ‘the change’. LOL

My own life is going through changes, just not fast enough for my liking.

Job hunting is the WORST. Seriously. In the olden days (cue the covered wagons) you’d find a job listing, send a resume, they’d call, you’d interview maybe one or two people, and know by a couple of days.

Even better was temping. You’d sign up with them, call in as ready, and usually every Friday I’d get a call that said you start such n such gig on Monday. No interviews, no drug tests, no anything extraneous.

It was a seller’s market.

Now? It’s a buyers market…the buyer being the employer.

I think technology has made us all yearn for things to be faster, to move along quicker, or just pick up the pace. It has, to some extent…but not in the right ways.

Things in ‘social media’ have become scarier by the day and job hunting has become more impersonable by the minute. Soon, we really will have AI scanning resumes to see if this human is a good match. Take people out of the equation all together.

I have a small rant about recruiters in general, but it’s not their fault. They do what they’re told, to meet a quota on sales. While we’re on quotas…oh. Don’t get me started. I don’t check enough boxes to matter.

Sighhh I know this is half rant and half mindless, I’m tired, middle-aged, and worn down by the new ‘process’ and the ‘system’. I’m an author, a writer since childhood. That is my love…I write for the love of writing. If I make a $1 or a million $$$ I’m happy someone read my stories…a bonus if they leave a lovely review.

Bottomline? I’m not even sure. I’m just slowed to a crawl.

Posted in Personal



This is becoming crazy. To the extreme. It’s been over a month now that I’ve had to wear my oh-so-unfashionable splint day and night.

I’ve had it off for brief periods, but that is quickly, and obviously, the wrong decision.


Why??? Why oh why can’t I type and do my regular work? Writing is a pain with this on (painful right now, but I power through).  Carpal tunnel syndrome, the bane of my life since 18 years old. 😦

What other methods are there to cope or get this to finally heal? It’s not as severe as it was, but wow is it taking a short eternity to heal. At least an epoch or two.

Accupuncture? $1,200 will fix that right up.

Pain meds? My liver is not a fan

Exercises? I do a little, but it just hurts to do even that.

Open to other suggestions 🙂


Posted in Personal


Carpal tunnel is a curse. How can we exist these days without a keyboard (or teeny-tiny phone keyboards)?  My husband is a welder, a big strong man, and he also has carpal tunnel. Two different worlds, but the same ailment.

For the past three weeks I’ve been wearing my splint day and night (only off for limited periods of time). The pain was excruciating!!! It was enough to stop me from using the arm altogether until very recently.

How does a writer write with one hand??

Slowly. Very slowly and I need to be careful that I don’t kill the other hand in the process.  Keep in mind I also knit and game, so it gets a workout!  Two weeks ago I couldn’t do anything, so I did search-a-word puzzles while sitting in bed. Not the funnest thing to do when you have a story burning in your gut. 😦

But…it’s better. Sprains like this take foreeeeever to heal and it’s chronic. One long knitting session and it’s back in the splint again. My options? Surgery or acupuncture. Surgery is thousands (and no insurance right now anyway). Acupuncture is 20 visits and about $1,200.


Not great options, eh? So! We find a workaround. Taking it slowly, steadily. I still need help with some daily things (no slicing food for instance) but hubby is there to take care of me. 🙂

Who else is cursed with this RMD called CTS???


Posted in Personal


Hello! The topic of in-laws and especially in-laws mixing together is interesting to me.

I was married before to a guy where every Christmas (when he was a kid-teen) they’d have both sides of the family present. Both Grandmas, uncles & aunts, etc.

This is somewhat foreign to me. Never have I seen (not since my infancy) both of my grandmothers in the same shot, much less the same room. We’ve never combined them and my parents never spoke to his parents…oh wait, once. When we met (and were engaged). Never since.

Fast forward to now. I am on my second hubby, and all he has is mom. Mom is very much a hermit, but did meet my parents and they’ve seen her about twice now. (wedding and Christmas). Again, no hanging out or get togethers on a regular basis. Only the obligatory new life/death/wedding/Christmastime.

Is that how it usually is? I see other families posting both sides of the families (especially Latin origin) where family (even just by marriage) is everything.


Posted in Personal

Hustle and Hack

Has anyone else noticed how every ‘side job’ is now called a ‘hustle’? I dunno about you, but when I hear hustle, I conjur images of Minnesota Fats ‘hustling’ pool or a con-man ‘hustling’ some poor unsuspecting victim.

Why is it a hustle now? Are we just so full of hurriedness that we must hustle our way through everything? Or are these legitimate hustles at all? (ahhh, there in lies perhaps a kernel of truth).

Either way, back in MY day…yes, I’m a very old Gen Xer. I’m middle-aged (if I live to 90) and trying to make my way in a very, very difficult situation.

Hence…I turn to life hacks. OK…now stay with me…what does ‘hack’ conjur up to you? I personally think of my cat ‘hacking’ up a hairball. Or perhaps a gory movie with a machete?

Why is it a ‘hack’? Are we hacking into our routine or our lives? A better term would be enhance or behavioral change, but we dummy it down to ‘hack’. Hmmm.

How are you? Are you hustling and hacking your way through this increasingly impossible life?


Cheers, Steph

Posted in Personal

Meditation…my personal story

I downloaded an app called Headspace a couple of weeks ago on the idea that meditation is not sitting in a ghastly uncomfortable pose or chanting mantras to a statue; but to help calm the mind down. That’s all I was after anyway, right?

Well, I love the little animations that these guys use (and their accents btw) to help us analyze how our brains work if relaxed or how to de-stress or just thinking differently.

I am a huge skeptic, but I gave it a fair shot…the first three nights I did great. I pulled up the app and did the guided section (which can be as short as three minutes, which is great for ADD folks like myself). Everytime it guided me into (mostly blissful sleep) or at least relaxed me just by breathing deeply.

The 4th night, I forgot and went back on day 5, ha ha. I skipped over the animation (told you I was ADD) I just wanted to get to the good part. The breathing and chillaxing.

A bonus to me is that they recommend tall posture while sitting or similar; I did this every night propped against three pillows (don’t judge, LOL) and still was able to fill the lungs pretty well.

Long story short, I enjoyed my trial with them 🙂 I just wish I could continue…to do so is $30 a month 😦  I am unemployed and starving artist/author so very tough to raise those greenbacks, but when/if I do, I would definitely return to Headspace.

Have you tried meditation? Which method? What did it do for you?


Cheers! Steph